Well, now is currently 2:20am and i couldn’t get to sleep due to the killer cramps. Cramps killing me softly on bed, despite the comforting hot water and those lil’ pinkish panadol, it just doesn’t help much either.

As usual, it becomes a habit to go to Facebook and twitter to check things out: profiles checked, pictures checked, wall posts checked. The most easiest way is the wonders of tweetdeck which gives the power of multi-tasking : twitter and facebook in one go.

I got myself with another cup of hot but this time Milo. I found myself that facebook can import my tumblr. There it goes, i imported to my facebook.

As the mouse went to click my itunes, and listened to ” who we are” by Lifehouse. The lyrics are meaningful, almost all of their lyrics. It inspires me alot by their songs.

29th December 2009,  2 more days to get into the new year. It gets me thinking. I went to talk to my mum, both of us say that ” 2009 sucks.” yes mum and daugther both said “sucks” at the same time. Wow this is the first time we both got the term right.

Yes, this year didn’t get me going, unmotivated and filled with negativity power. It is one of the worst negativity power that i had overcome, which i almost succumb to giving up due to all these :

HTC hand phone crashed and now using LG phone - checked , conflicts - checked, dad got stroke - checked, dad got admitted- checked, financially unstable-checked, got back to smoking and drinking habits-checked, went to nightspots which can reached to 4 nights per week. -checked. Lost my dad - checked. Did not cry till the very end yet inside me just died. -checked. Self denial, emotional and insecure yet have to put a brave front and ” be optimistic ” - these words isn’t helping anymore. -checked.

All these things in one go. Fortunately, i have one gift that god send to me. A nice gift that provides love, care and concern. Despite having to meet on Halloween, though sounds irony but Halloween brought us together while clumsiness of me triggers the power of attraction. Being together just a snap, but the process is amazingly memorable. The obstacles that brought us was a blessing in disguise - the sleepless nights for the wake, the depressing acceptance of the reality at the hospital; Being nice to my family and relatives, having the uncontrollable tears that dropped down in the car, all these he has seen it all within less than 1 month in relationship. It was unbelievable, that i have him beside me. His name is Andy, My Greatest Gift. Well, love does it all, i do not know whether this relationship can last but i know that i have to cherish this. Cherish every moment as if it’s the last, Cherish and love you. Thank you for being my pillar, thank you for giving me your heart. Relationship works comes to communication, i am so glad that we are communicating well. All i can say that, i am truly thankful.

Another gift is michelle pixie. She is a 10 year old gift. :) i had this gift when i was in primary school. Fate brought us close and closer, we are always at the same thinking, got the same gossips moments, same comments, and being Shopaholics. We talked almost anything, we share secrets and more secrets. She has been there with me during sleepless nights for the wake, having to shed tears during my dad’s wake, being as emotional as i am. Any problems, she is the first to call me, we go supper together, shop together, chill together, take care of each other. It’s been 10 years, the amount of years kept increasing. From playing to basketball till going to nightspots. We grow up together and matured. Seeing her being the bubbly and filled with non-stop energy, she is actually matured in thinking when comes to real stuff and she is straight talker that goes straight to the topic which doesn’t like beating around the bush. When we talk, i can sense that she’s gradually growing up, she is not a naive type which she knows how to protect and being independent. Guys will get attracted by her bubbly yet strong character of hers. :)

I am a girl with negativity coming towards my life, which i have to hold great positivity in me to withstand such negativity since i am young. I am neither rich nor poor but comes from a lower income family but still survive well and live off with good clothings and have a sufficient 3 meals a day just like any ordinary people. A fighter is also a human too, they have feelings. When a fighter is feeling emotionally down, they put their weapons down and start to reflect. I am such a fighter. I don’t succumb to adversities,  i have balance of confidence in me about myself. There are still rooms of improvement, on the things i got to learn. I will never stop learning and improving. I’ve got to be a strong fighter in life.

19 years old, coming to 20. What beholds for me, i do not have any idea of it. However, i know how preparation towards the future does help. I am not anyone that sits and do nothing but to think, reflect and put to action. When things happen you learn, and not repeating mistakes again by preparing it.  Just like this song, the environment shapes us and we shape the environment as well.

I know that by the time finishing this passage, i will start laughing at myself having to type such passage. Well, it doesn’t hurt laughing a little by such productive actions of yours to reflect and start thinking by tumblr-ing.

Counting down towards the new year, stay tuned for 2010. :) cheers!